4.4.a What Happens in Conflict?
We have already said that individuals enter into a collaborative team with their own roles, scope and accountability, values, experiences, and expectations. Understanding one’s own reaction and style of approach to conflict is an essential first step toward conflict transformation.
In response to conflict, our bodies and minds respond instinctively. This is usually understood as the ‘fight or flight’ response. Most people can relate to this physiologic response to conflict. But contemporary research has shown that the ‘fight or flight’ response to stress is not necessarily the automatic response in all people. More often women (and some males) automatically respond with ‘calm and connect’ (23). When under threat, they respond by seeking connective relationships, linking and bonding with others and exhibiting calming behaviors (23).
We invite you explore your automatic and physiologic responses to conflict. Developing your awareness will help you develop a deep understanding of your influence on conflict and your feelings about conflict. The emotions that you demonstrate in conflict may cause you to feel like you have lost respect, dignity, agency, confidence, or even ability. Your physiological responses to conflict may cause you to lose your sense of control, safety, or capabilities. The feelings you have about your reaction to conflict have a long lasting impact on how you feel about the conflict itself.
Personal Reflection
Reflect on these two things: What is your physiological response to conflict? Some people feel a dry mouth and others feel knots in their stomach. Next reflect on your emotional response to conflict. Some people feel anger, sadness, or calmness.