4.6.f Video: What to do when Nothing Else Works
Some primary health care workers feel that avoidance is an effective tool for addressing (or, in this case, not addressing) conflict. Some forms of conflict avoidance are actually active steps towards conflict transformaton. Avoidance can be used in a conflict situation if it improves communication and contributes to a smooth and open discussion. Avoidance should be a conscious choice, though, and not a result of a reaction to a conflict situation.
Other times you may need to employ strategies that are a bit edgy. In this video Roy Johnson demonstrates strategies to use when nothing else seems to be working.
Click on "video transcript" download the transcript for this video.
Video summary:
Assuming you have used your collaborative tools to try to resolve and get out of a conflict situation, the following tips and tricks are more edgy tools:
- The "Wow" Acknowledgement. In some circumstances, when some things happen that’s particularly negative, just a simple “Wow.” can have some impact. It just simply says, “That’s something that’s really interesting that was said.”
- Perspective Pairing. Restate what you’ve understood their perspective to be, and put it right down next to your perspective, with a huge gap in between. It sounds like, “Oh, ok. So, from your perspective, that went really smoothly. On my end, that was very difficult.” It keeps the defensiveness low – without using “but” or “however”.
- Discrepancy Confrontations. Say something that you’ve understood as important to the person – a value or a belief that they have – in words that they have used when articulating it. Then, say something that they’re doing that’s incompatible with that.
- Boundary-setting. A boundary might sound like, “You know, if you’re going to use language like that, I’m going to have to leave this discussion.” And, they’ll likely continue using language like that, and you’re going to have to leave the discussion.
- Negative questions. These sound like, “Ok, so what else am I doing wrong there?” They’ll tell you. Your strategy is to get them to hear themselves. “Ok, and what else?” And they’ll tell you. And you may need to add a third time. “Ok, and I’ll do a quick summary. So I did this wrong, I did this wrong. What else am I doing wrong?” Usually by this time they back off. Sometimes, you may need the ultimate negative question: “Was there anything there that I did right?”