4.6.b Leading with Curiosity

When you question your assumptions, and approach an interaction with humility you can expand your capacity for compassion and empathy. At the same time, if your perceived adversary feels heard instead of challenged, they are more likely to explain their stance.

Consider this example: You are a family physician. Your patient wants to give birth in water in the hospital. This has never been done before in your hospital. You feel confident that you have thoroughly and accurately researched the evidence and best practice recommendations for delivering a baby in the water, including when to advise against it. You meet with your hospital Department Heads excited to develop a Waterbirth Policy. One of your colleagues appears to be preoccupied and skeptical. You assume that they do not support you, or the policy.

Is your assumption accurate? What does your colleague’s reaction actually mean?

Rather than acting on your assumption, you can ask a question: “I’d like to make sure I’m understanding. Will you share your thoughts?”

Use open-ended questions like who, what, where, why, and how. For example, here are some questions you can ask to understand someone else perspective (25):

• What would you like to see happen? What does that look like for you?
• What would it take for us to be able to move forward? How do we get there?
• What ideas do you have that would meet both our needs?
• Can you tell me more about that?
• What about this situation is most troubling to you? What’s most important to you?

Recall that you have learned communication skills like summarizing, paraphrasing, reflecting, framing, and reframing. You can apply these communication skills in your conversation with your colleague to explore their perspective and share yours.

Personal Reflection

How do you respond when you when you recognize that you have a fundamental difference in philosophy or belief system than someone that you work closely with, or care for? Do you feel angry, frustrated, apathetic, or curious?